Learning to Say No!
April 7, 2022
3 min read
Being busy all the time is overrated.
Written by Simon Spichak
Do you find yourself overcommitting? We are constantly pressured to take another meeting, go to another event, or work on yet another project. It can be stressful when you’re not confident or sure about how to say no. This article guides you towards saying no to others, as a way to say yes to yourself.
It is so easy to believe everyone is doing more than you — more hobbies, more projects, more study groups, more responsibilities. Sometimes, this pushes us to go beyond our healthy boundaries because we guilt ourselves into saying yes or are unaccustomed with saying no.
Saying No is a Mental Health Skill
A lot of students especially trace some of their stress to these commitments. The trouble with saying yes to everything is that it leaves you with little time to yourself. Every commitment, small or large, has an opportunity cost meaning that you’ll be working on this commitment instead of doing anything else.
Loading up on hobbies and volunteering to help out your friends is fantastic! However, it means you get less time to unwind, relax, and just do something for yourself. We might look to others and how much they can handle, and feel like we aren’t doing enough or missing out. However, you must remember that there’s no way to know whether another individual is also struggling with saying no.
Let’s reframe saying no as a skill that can keep your stress levels and anxiety at bay.
Why Do We Hesitate to Say No?
There are plenty of reasons that many of us don’t say no nearly as often as we should. Some explanations include:
Fearing that others may think less of you or believe you to be selfish
Fear of missing out on an opportunity
Feeling like you need to do more because others are doing more
Difficulty setting boundaries
Afraid how friends, family or co-workers might respond
Saying yes and always being there for others ensures that they will like you
These situations can be remedied through practice or through help during a therapy session. It is important to remember that we do not control the way others react to us and we are unable to read their minds either. Learning to say no and to set boundaries shows others that you respect your own time or that you’re saying yes to yourself.
Seven Ways to Say No
Saying no doesn’t have to be complicated either, we’ve got a cheat sheet with some phrases that you can use to help you say no. With practice, you will start feeling less guilt:
Just saying no. You don’t owe anyone an excuse or explanation. Telling them is more than enough.
Setting clear boundaries. Let others know ahead of time when you are unavailable (i.e. weekends) and stick to these boundaries.
Avoid saying maybe or I need to think about it. People value honesty, even when it comes to telling somebody no.
Express gratitude that someone thought of you. You can definitely be kind and courteous by thanking someone for offering the opportunity before saying no.
Thank you but that is not for me.
I don’t have capacity to do this right now.
I can’t help with the request but you can talk to X.
Like any other skill, saying no is something that gets easier with practice. Remember to prioritize yourself and your own time by setting healthy boundaries and avoiding being guilted into something you don’t want to do.
Please note that this post is written for educational purposes, it is not therapy. If you need to talk to a professional please book a consultation with a psychotherapist through Resolvve.
